


I still see it all (in my head)

by mrsavalance



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Blind Character, Canon Compliant, Episode Tag: s05e10 Ship Broken, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:48:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24063871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrsavalance/pseuds/mrsavalance
Summary: When Gideon tells Sara at the end of 5x10 'Ship Broken' that there is nothing she can do for her, Sara needs a moment with Ava to process what exactly that means.orSara is sad she'll never be able to see Ava again outside of her visions.
Relationships: Sara Lance & Ava Sharpe, Sara Lance/Ava Sharpe
Comments: 10
Kudos: 128





	I still see it all (in my head)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys,
> 
> This is just a short fic, it's not my best work, but the idea just wouldn't leave me alone after episode 5x10, so I had to write it down to get it out of my system.
> 
> So here's a soft (and a little sad) fic about Sara losing her vision, and coming to terms with the fact that she might never see Ava again (outside of her visions). Maybe it's too ooc, who knows. Possibly. But here it is anyway. This work is unedited. Would like to thank some of my friends for proofreading this for me and encouraging me to share it with you all.
> 
> Hope you guys like it. Please feel free to let me know if you do by leaving some kudos or a comment! :)

_“I’m sorry, but there is nothing I can do.”_ Gideon’s words still ring in Sara’s head, as Ava guides her from the med bay to their quarters. Ava keeping a steady hand on her at all times. The soft touch grounding her, now that awful images of Ava stabbed to death on the floor, by herself no less, are no longer tormenting Sara’s mind every time they touch.

She doesn’t need Ava to guide her in order to be able to find her way to their quarters. Sara knows this ship like the back of her hand, perhaps even better. She knows every corner, every creak and every little noise it makes. She has known for years. She doesn’t need Ava to guide her around the Waverider, but she does like being close to the woman she loves most. Especially now.

Now that she can no longer see. 

They make their way through the empty hallway, neither one of them speaking. Ava’s left hand securely resting upon Sara’s arm guiding her body movements with every turn they take.

Sara doesn’t comment on the fact that perhaps Ava right hand is squeezing her hand a little too tight. Ava needs this more than Sara does. Ava needs to feel like she is doing something, anything, to help Sara. Sara knows this. So she lets her.

They are both quiet, no longer joking about blindfolding Ava later. Their entire mood has shifted since Gideon diagnosis, or lack thereof. 

_“I do not detect any abnormalities in Captain Lance’s ocular region.”_ Gideon’s words repeat in Sara’s mind on a loop. Gideon couldn’t find anything wrong with her eyes. She’s blind. Permanently most likely.

As soon as they enter their room, Ava guides Sara to their bed.

“Here baby,” Her voice is soft and a little sad. Fragile even. “Why don’t you take a seat.”

And Sara does. Because she has no clue what else to do. She is not ready to face her team yet, and she knows she has a lot to do, but she figures it can wait for now. She needs a moment to collect her thoughts. To process all of this.

She feels the bed dip next to her. Ava. And Sara releases a breath she didn’t know she had been holding in all this time.

“Can I get you anything, babe?”

“No, uhm- I’m good.” Sara knows she doesn’t sound convincing, but thankfully Ava doesn’t question her response. 

They sit in silence for a while. Ava’s hand softly playing with Sara’s fingers. Both of them too scared to make any sudden movements. Both of them needing to feel the other close.

And Sara wonders if this is the way it is going to be from now on. If she will forever be met with darkness every time she opens her eyes. Can she still be captain of the Waverider if she can’t see? She’d like to think so. She was still an excellent fighter, even without her sight, Ra’s al Ghul made sure of that. So if she was still an excellent fighter without her sight, perhaps she can also still be an excellent Captain. She knows the team, Gideon and Ava will all help her figure it out.

Ava.

It just dawns on Sara that if she is permanently blind - as she suspects - that she will never be able to see those gorgeous blue eyes looking back at her again, or the way Ava’s lips curl in the most beautiful smile. Not outside of these weird visions of the future she has been having at least. How is she going to learn to live with that. She can captain the Waverider without being able to see, she can fight off the entire League of Assassins if she has to, she can kick a hell hound back to hell, but she cannot for the love of anything imagine never seeing Ava again. The love of her life.

Sara notices she starts breathing a little faster, and Ava must have noticed too, because she has started rubbing soft circles on the palm of Sara’s hand with her thumb, trying to calm her down. It works. And Sara's breathing slowly returns back to normal.

It’s Ava who eventually breaks their silence with a soft whisper.

“Are you okay, my love?” 

How does she even begin to answer that question? She wants to have a witty come back, like she did earlier when Ava asked her if she was hiding anything from her. She wants to laugh it off, like she always does. But this time Sara doesn’t know what to say. 

Sara knows she has been taking too long to respond when she can feel Ava place a strand of hair behind her ear. It must have been dangling in front of her face. Not that Sara would know, it’s not like it’s interrupting her sight or anything. But she leans into Ava’s touch regardless. She wouldn’t know what to do without her.

“No.” It’s fragile, barely a whisper and Sara’s not even sure if it was loud enough for Ava to have heard her.

“Hmm?”

“No. I’m not okay.” Sara softly confirms.

Ava scooches closer to her, her hand immediately finding Sara’s and giving it a soft squeeze. Encouraging her to keep going. To open up.

“Ava, I’m- I’m blind.” Sara barely gets the words out of her mouth.

“I know, love.”

“I thought Gideon would be able to fix me. I thought-“ Sara stops herself, needing a moment as her breathing becomes faster. “I can’t be blind, Ava.”

“But you are blind, Sara. For now.” Ava adds, her voice calm but sad.

“What if I’ll never see again? You heard Gideon, there is nothing she can do.” Sara’s voice is heavy, like she is carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. “I know that I trained with a blindfold for weeks during my time in The League. But I can’t be blind Aves. Not- Not permanently.” Her voice breaks when she tries to get the last sentence over her lips.

Sure, she had trained with a blindfold for weeks in The League of Assassins, but Sara had never truly considered the fact that she would go fully blind. She thought the training had been for when her sight would be limited in a fight, and that had happened on more than one occasion, but to be peacefully sitting on her bed with the love of her life and not be able to see. No, that thought had never crossed Sara’s mind back then. 

Ava stays quiet after that and Sara can’t blame her. She is not sure she would know how to respond if she was in Ava’s position either.

“I’ve already had to learn how to live with never being able to see my sister again. And then when the other Laurel showed up, I had to learn how to live with seeing her face again but not seeing _my_ sister. I taught myself how to live knowing I’d never see my dad again, you know before Crisis brought him back. And I managed. I learned how to do all those things. Even if it wasn't easy. But I cannot for the love of anything, live with the fact that I’ll never get to see your face outside of these visions again. I can’t Aves.” Sara’s voice sounds so fragile, Ava’s rarely seen her this vulnerable. This scared.

“Oh, babe.” Ava’s voice is soft when she speaks. Sara can feel her shifting on the bed, so that they are even closer together, their hands never breaking contact. 

“I cannot learn how to live, without ever seeing your beautiful face again. Without seeing the way your lips curl when you smile, or the sparkle in your eyes whenever your eyes find mine from across the room. I can’t.” A sob escapes from Sara’s throat and when she feels something wet on her cheek she realizes that tears have started to make their way down her cheeks.

“Why do I get to see you bleeding out on the floor in a vision, in which I was the one who stabbed you, but I will not ever get to see the way you look at me on our wedding day. Or the way your eyes light up when you talk, or your smile, or the way you look when you’re about to cum.”

“Sara!” Ava scoffs a little at the last comment, but her voice is still so warm and soft. So full of love.

“It’s not fair. It’s just so unfair.” 

And it is. It truly is so unfair, and Ava wishes she could take some of Sara’s pain, some of Sara’s loss away from her. But she can’t. All she can do is be there. Be here for Sara.

“It truly is unfair, my love. But I promise you, we’ll try anything we can to get you your vision back, okay?”

“Yeah?”

Ava brings Sara’s hand up to her lips and places a soft kiss on her knuckle.

“Yeah, I promise. We’re gonna figure it out.” 

And Sara believes her, because it’s Ava. Her Ava. And she knows that she’d do anything to make her happy. It’s what she does every single day after all.


End file.
